Permission to Pause

Daffodils brighten the day 

Hi friends,

I know I have been missing in action on the blog for a couple of months.

I thought to myself the other day, the words have been backed up and are ready to overflow. Much like in my mind’s eye like that over-head bucket in the local swimming pool where water keeps pouring into it until it reaches capacity and then spills over.  That’s me right now.  Words and emotions have been pent up and now the bucket of thoughts and feelings has spilled over.   To be honest, it’s been a bit of a struggle for me as January 30 I received a call in the middle of the night that my elderly dad was being rushed to the hospital due to another stroke.  I hadn’t realized the emotional impact on myself as well as my brothers in the events to come. After the hospital stay, he was placed in a nursing home to work on recovery with the hope for him to go back to living on his own. Of course a nursing home was not where he wanted to be and the mental and verbal tug of wars with him left me depleted. We all knew in our hearts that he would never return to living on his own, but wanted to try everything.  So I hunkered down and Mr. Right (Rod) cheered me on both mentally and physically when I needed it. My brothers and I drew closer and stand united in working to keep our dad safe despite his insistence he isn’t mortal, normal rules don’t apply to him and can live on his own.  Ugh, it’s been a journey.

With the onset of COVID-19, I am one of the lucky ones who is able to work from home.  And I must admit this has been a bit of a blessing as it gave me permission to pause and nest at home. I look at it as sort of a mental reprieve to force me to stay home, reconnect on priorities and quietly let my tired brain rest and let my soul lead the way.  I am more than guilty of creating my own chaos in life and running around in so many directions.  Mr. Right tries his best to help me balance life, but I know sometimes I am hellbent on getting something done and push forward when maybe I should take a step back and pause.  Let’s just say he has his hands full with me and he is a willing subject.  =)

So I look at this time as a re-set and to re-define priorities. More like a much needed kick in the ole behind!   I look at how my father lived his life and I am a student of life, ever watching and learning.  I take in what I want to embrace and recognize the things that I don’t.  I see the example from my father’s life of what not to do. And for the most part I think I’ve been fairly successful in not repeating a pattern of forsaking family, friends and seeing the beauty in life. It pains me to see that he now is experiencing his life choices.  It’s interesting in a way how someone’s life can be a template of sort of what to do or not to do.

This mental resting has been good, I’ve been cleaning out the cobwebs in the heart and soul, much like my closets and I have to confess, it feels good.  There is more reorganizing both in life (and closets) that I need to do and that’s okay as I am now up for the challenge.  I look forward to having the sun on my shoulders, I plan to write more, and to relish my time with those I love.  This forced distancing has made me realize just how much I miss that quality time with my people.  So as you read this, I hope all is well in your world.  I hope that that this “pause in life” is being put to good use. And when life returns to normal, that you have a clear vision of what is important, who is important and to take any steps you need to get you where you need to go.  Keep the faith and trust that the journey will lead to what is good and where you need to be.

Mr. Right and I working in the greenhouse on a cold Spring day. The warmth of the greenhouse warms up the soul in anticipation of warmer and better days to come

My way of showing love... care packages to my neighbors

I’m sure there is more to come on this topic and I hope I get to hear from you.  I love knowing and hearing from you so drop me an email at swheatfarmlife@gmail.com.Take care and stay safe.  All my best, Gayle