Dear Friends,
It’s been a bit since I wrote and not because I don’t think
about you. I have so many half started
blogs racing about in my head…. Where do I begin?
While I don’t like to visit the past, sometimes you have to
take a look in the rear-view mirror to see how far you have come. And so my story unfolds…..
A couple weeks I attended
the Gritman Medical Center Pink Cocktail event. As table captain, I was
surrounded by family and a couple of friends who graciously accepted the invitation
to attend.
 |
| Denise, Lisa, Jill, Jen, Mom, Edie, Kristy, Me |
This event is the stuff that
inspiration is made of. There were a
couple of heartfelt stories from cancer survivors and from a radiologist who
reads the mammograms. The stories that
emerged brought tears to my eyes as they told their story of surviving cancer
and how their mate was there every step of the way. And as I sat there, I was
beyond thankful to know I now have a man in my life that would be that kind of
person who would help you through those battles. How do I know? On our second
date, he told me it was an honor to honor his vows, “till death do us part” with his wife who had passed away a few years
ago from cancer. He is definitely a
keeper in this girl’s book. And it
feels good. I feel blessed. Then I started thinking about self-care. And Kara,
another good friend sent me a picture with the words “the
trees show us how lovely it is to let things go”. And it set my mind to thinking and then
words started flowing…
Every couple of weeks I get together to chat with my confidante & friend Sondra. And the last time we
talked, it was about SELF CARE and how can something so important can get
shoved to the back burner of our souls?
If you are like me, it is easy to say we need to practice it, but hard
to do in real life. Is it a woman
thing? I was raised to be people pleaser
and at a young age, I remember understanding the difference of how boys were
treated differently than girls. I recall being told, be nice, help others, be a
good girl. In my young brain, it felt that I was held to
a different standard than my brothers. Maybe it was true, maybe it wasn’t, but
it was how I perceived it. I grew into wanting to be “the everything to
everyone”. In the process I ended up
draining the life light out of my soul.
It was a gradual downhill slide; one that I knew was happening and did
not know how to fix. I was never happy with me and would create all sorts of
life distractions to occupy my thoughts so I didn’t have to think about that
goofy girl in the mirror with all her flaws.
I’d volunteer for things, or I’d get asked to do this or that ….. and
I’d say yes. My soul would be saying no…. and I’d just push down the voice and
think, I can do this, it isn’t that big of a thing to get done. And it seemed like I’d reorganize my schedule
or my life to please others. I was a poor advocate for myself and
wouldn’t stand up for me when I needed to.
Such the life of a people pleaser.
Lately, I've been a bit retrospective…perhaps it is because
this month, notably October 3, 2012 that my house of cards came tumbling down
and life as I knew it was no longer.
That day was the catalyst of change as I found out I was going to be single after 27+
years of marriage. To compound matters,
I was consoling my newly widowed daughter whose life had also changed just 9
days before mine had. And while it was
devastating at first, the journey of self-discovery was one of the best things
for me. A forced restart on life. I learned
to let go of my past life and move forward on a path that I wasn’t sure where
it would lead. I had to re-create me as
I didn’t know who I was. Fast forward
five years and here is where I am today. I learned that I’m an “outgoing introvert”. I love people but I also realize I need vast
amounts of alone time to recharge my batteries.
I make the “me time” my first priority because I finally learned, you
can’t help others until you help yourself.
I ask for what I want. I’ve gotten pretty good about setting boundaries with
myself and I’ve learned to say no if the request isn’t what I truly want to do.
When I help others, it is out of joy and
of my choosing. I listen to the quiet voice of my heart and
soul and it’s never wrong, it leads me to the right decisions. The authentic me
emerged and I like who I am now. And finally,
I have gotten to the point where I feel
whole. And that tiny voice somewhere deep inside me says it is time to begin
writing a book about my healing and where
I found strength, hope and inspiration. And that quiet voice also says, yes
this will help others too. It just feels
right.
And as you read this I hope there is some nugget of wisdom
to know that you matter and to stay true to you. Only you know what kind of self-care that is
right for you. Let go of the what doesn't work and find what does work for you. You are a magnificent original, take tender
care of you. Surround yourself with
positive people and say a prayer of thanks for the gifts (life lessons) heaven sends your way. Sometimes it may not feel like a gift, but
when it fully unfolds and you find that God gave you the very best gift of your
life, you.
As always, a heartfelt thank you for stopping by and feel
free to reach out at swheatfarmlife@gmail.com. All my best, Gayle
No comments :
Post a Comment